NEFİSE, 13 YEARS OLD, A FINAL YEAR STUDENT AT SECONDARY SCHOOL
“Well, I sometimes find life becoming difficult for me, like when I am preparing for an important examination. I feel as if the excitement of it is engulfing my entire body, like an overwhelming heat is coming upon me. I panic a lot then. I’m talking about the LGS (High School Entrance Exam). I’m in the 8th grade, the final grade before high school. I’m so agitated, I don’t know why but sometimes I even forget what I’ve learned, perhaps because our teachers are always telling us that this is the examination of our life and therefore it is our primary responsibility to prepare for it. Some say it is up to us to pass the examination; that if we pass this exam, we choose our own life; yet, if we fail, life will make a random choice for us.”
“Sometimes I think: It’s as if people put too much responsibility on my shoulders. I mean, how can I say it, I don’t feel like an 8th grade student because of all the responsibility. My mother had surgery, her condition is better now, thanks be to Allah! Yet, I have a duty to take care of her, tidy up the house, wash the dishes… I mean, after I have tidied up the house, cooked, and done all the other things from morning to night, there really is not much time left to study. Despite all this, I try to study. Of course, my mom and dad, both support me on this matter.”
“I have a bit of trouble with my younger brothers because they are constantly so active. They are very disobedient. Why? Because they are boys. The phone fascinates them, they are completely addicted to it. They always have one phone in their hands. There is a game called PUBG, they are always playing it, don’t listen to my mother or myself. My little brother, Onur, is a little calmer than Mehmet. Alright, they can’t help me, they can’t do housework, okay I can understand that, but at least they should be good.”
“That’s why sometimes I want to go into a room and cry. All this is putting a lot of strain on me. I mean I feel like… Like I am responsible for everything. I never complain about my parents, I love them very much, but as I said, I constantly have to take responsibility. If something is to be done, I will have to do it. Why me? Because the responsibility is mine, I’m the older one. I don’t know, I mean, I just feel like I have too much responsibility. Yes, I do the housework lovingly, I cook meals happily, I don’t see all these as obligations. Friends from my school and neighbors sometimes tell me that I always study, but they don’t see me at home. On the one hand I try to study, on the other hand, I try to clean the house. (Looking at the little girl approaching her) I wish I were a child again!”
“I really feel like I had to grow up too early. As I said, I have no complaints about the cleaning, cooking, or anything else. However sometimes I get very upset, overwhelmed, and worried. Often, I just want to cry and to be left alone; I don’t want anyone to touch me. On the one hand, I have a headache during my online lessons; on the other hand, I have to deal with my little brothers. It’s very difficult although my body is now used to managing these things. My father works hard, so I don’t want to tire him when he comes home either.”
“I am trying to improve myself further. For instance, I want to… In fact, I have this idea: If I get the Nobel Prize in the future, that’s my goal, God willing, I want to get it in the field of genetics, I especially want to do research in DNA. I mean, if I get a Nobel Prize in this field, I don’t just want to be a good award-winning scientist, I also want to be a role model for others in character. I mean, for example, when I am dead, I don’t want them to just say ‘She had gotten the Nobel Prize’ for me. I want them to say this: ‘Her character was very good, she was decent, honest, she was a very good person.’ So I’m striving for that too. I even talked to my father about it, about having good character, being better and more honest person and my father said, ‘Well done my daughter, that’s what we expected from you.’ I mean, my father supports me in everything. My mother also supports me of course. I don’t know why but, I usually share these school thoughts with my father.”
